meena

( Lame+Lamer )

( Hola. )

( Corntasism )

( Wappiness! )

I really didnt want my post-A-Level entry to look like this.
There should have been a lot of pretty pictures and happy, funny things.
But now I'm so pissed that unless I write I'll probably end up killing mass murder.
I"M SO FUCKING FURIOUS AT MY "OH-SO-FUCKING WONDERFUL" BROTHER.
I HATE HIM.
AND I WANT HIM TO LEAVE AND ROT IN SOME HELL IN UZBEKISTAN!
Cuz wanting him to die would be doing him a favour.
I'm tired of him.
And all his fucked up shit.
If i could run away, just to get away from him, I would.
And i would never look back.
i wouldnt even regret the things i would have had to give away just to get away from him.
I wonder if God or whoever else is up there especially created people to only give pain??
Like Adolf Hitler.
Was he only created to kill of Jews and spread dispair and hatred???
But then why would anyone want to create such a monster??
Or do we just create our own nightmares??
Right now.
I just want to run.
Take my heels with me and flee.
Cause right now I don't see the light.
I don't see anything.
Its like I'm being suffocated.
I can't seem to be able to feel any sort of true happiness.
In fact I almost wish I was smack back in the middle of the bloody A's again.
I seriously believe I was happier then.
Everything seems so bleak and full of dispare.
I think all I'm asking for this Christmas is to be truly blissfully happy.
I want to smile fully.
I want to spread laughter and not wonder when was the last time I actually truly happily laughed.
I just feel sad now.
Normally I feel angry and enraged and feel like running a truck over whoever got me that way.
But now i just feel sad.
And really really exhausted.
I know i'm no one to complain.
But I just wish things were easier for once.
Just once.
So I wouldn't have to be wishing for another life.